Some of these testimonies are also available in Spanish Thank you Karina!
Algunos de estos testimonios también están disponibles en español. Gracias Karina!
Received July 2001
I remember growing up I would talk about abortion like it was no big thing. I would get into debates with my mom on how it was O.K. My state of mind was who cares, if you want it done more power to you. I never thought of it as a life changing experience but boy was I wrong.
I was with my boyfriend for two months when I found out I was pregnant. I was only 18 and had just graduated from high school. I wasn't even late I had no reason to even think I was pregnant, I just had a voice tell me "Take a test." When I took the test I came up positive, when I told my boyfriend he was happy so that made feel more at ease with everything that I knew was going to be happening. When I told my mom she and my whole family were disappointed in me, but it was done and what could we do. I had already told everyone my choice (At that time it was to keep it.) About a month later I just started thinking about everything all at once and I got scared I started to realize I couldn't do it I could not see myself having a baby with this guy, first of all he was a 24 year old drop out never had a job and he lived with his grandma to top things off he was in a gang. I didn't want that kind of life for me or my baby. So I broke up with him. After I broke up with him that's when I started thinking about abortion, I thought of it as I didn't want to give him a reason to keep coming around.
My stepmother was the first person I told about what I was considering. I told her because I knew she would understand, she her self had had two abortions prior. She encouraged it, so I made up my mind to go through with it later that night I told my mom about my decision she begged me not to, she said I could have the baby and she would raise it for me, but I didn't pay attention to her I told her no, she finally gave in and said fine. The next day I went to my doctor to get a referral then the following day I called the clinic to set my appointment. Friday March 9, 2001. On that exact day I was two months. I remember that day as if it were yesterday, I woke up and got ready, my mom and me left to the clinic. I remember walking in the waiting room and just seeing all these young girls just like me. I thought to myself just stay strong I can do this. When they called me to go to the back I stood up and my body felt as if I were wearing 40 pound weights, but I went back I filled out the papers. The people there were really nice they made me feel comfortable but I couldn't help but wonder what they were really thinking about me. They took me to a little room where I undressed and they gave me a sonogram I watched I just saw a little dot, but to me it was everything that dot was my life my creation. After I changed in a gown I sat there for a while alone and I remember telling myself I cant do this I said it out loud to myself. I couldn't stop thinking about this baby all the what if's. I was about to let my baby down in so many ways possible, As a mother your job is to protect your child make sure its safe and feels loved. I denied all of that responsibility.
When they took me into the O.R. I took a deep breath and went to sleep. When I woke up I was in the recovery, I just felt so empty inside one minute I had a life living inside me and 20 min later there's nothing. I just started crying so hysterically. The nurse came up to me and said "why are you crying you got what you wanted, now be quiet you're going to worry the other girls." I got my self under control got dressed and walked out into the waiting room as soon as I got out of there I just started screaming and crying what did I do. My mom was crying with me telling me why did I do it. I had to be carried into the car. I cried all the way home I in my life have never felt so much pain like that day.
As of course you all may know at the clinic they tell you you can go to work the same day or even the next day. Ya right. They explained about the bleeding and slight cramping but oh man I was unable to walk for two weeks. The cramping they said should last for about 3 days, each day the cramps got worse and worse to the point where I was in fetal position the medicine didn't even work. My mom called the emergency hot line twice in one night and each time they told her it was normal. It had already been two weeks since the abortion and I was still in such pain, my mom took me to the emergency, they thought it might be infection so they gave me exams but it was nothing so they gave me a urine test, my mom and me were sitting waiting for the doctor to come back in, when she came in the room she looked at me and said, "I just gave you a pregnancy test and your test came back positive." What ended up happening was the doctor did the abortion he just didn't clean me out right, so I still had the baby inside me. So all that cramping I had was the contractions of my body trying to reject the baby since it was already dead. When the doctor told me all of this I felt as if I deserved it. I know I did. So that same day I went back to the clinic and I had to have the whole procedure done all over again.
Its been 4 months now, and it still hurts like it was yesterday. What made it harder for me was after everything was done with everybody acted as if nothing had ever happened. I had no one to talk to who could really understand. I still don't. I still have that emptiness in my heart and in my eyes.
To anyone who is considering abortion talk about it with someone first, because you have no idea what your getting yourself into mentally and emotionally. When I think back to that day when I was sitting in the room alone, I wish I had the strength to walk out.
Received July 2001
I am writing this story to help someone out there who is in my shoes. I recently had an abortion June 2, 2001 at about 3:45pm and I will regret it for the rest of my life. To make it so bad, I really had no reason to do it other than being selfish and stupid.
I am 21 years old, and I am married to a wonderful man and we have two beautiful children. However on this third baby I made the deadly decision to abort. I feel that my husband is at fault because he didn't even stop me. He knew that I was going to the Abortion clinic and he went to church and didn't even stop me. We are in debt and we have no money and it is so hard affording the two children that we already have but I believe that the Lord would have made a way out of no way if I would have just given him the authority in my life. I was seven weeks pregnant at the time and I regret being so stupid to abort. I wish that I would have just kept the baby and gave birth. The week prior to having the abortion God sent me so many signs to keep the baby. This girl at my job said to me that "Don't you know God will send somebody in your life to help your situation? You just got to have faith to believe!" I wish that I did. And what was even spookier, when I got off from work that Friday, I unlocked the door of my car and went to sit in the drivers seat and a picture of my daughter who was born 2 years ago was sitting in the seat. The picture was her just after delivery, 10 minutes old in the hospital warmer getting examined by a nurse still full of vernix and blood. I don't even know how it got there. I picked it up and shoved it in my purse and later that night I went to church and had a nice time and I still got up early Saturday morning and went to the murdering clinic and killed my poor baby. I had no real reason to do it other than being stupid. I have a place to live, a husband, a job, a car, and a little bit of money and what more I needed The Lord would have provided. I was just dumb and stupid and afraid of starting over. I felt that my son was 4 and my daughter was almost 2, so why start over, plus I got a boy and a girl what more do I really need.
Then I thought about the times when I didn't have enough money to buy my children shoes or the things they needed for a while and the time when we were two months behind in our mortgage and the time when we absolutely no money whatsoever in sight, I knew that it is a sin to abort but I felt that it is also a sin to bring children in the world and can't provide for them and make them suffer. However that is beside the point and no excuse for what I did, I love that baby and I wish that I had not did what I did and I want everybody who reads my story to know that abortion is not fun, it is sinful, painful, and mind tormenting. Be extra careful not to get pregnant if you don't want to be a parent. Abortion is not something you do and then forget about, it stays with you, and it is not birth control. I have sympathy for those who found themselves in a bad situation, no home, no job, no real man or significant support for the baby, and no emotional stability to handle the baby, but for my case I had absolutely no reason to abort. I don't live in a nice fancy house, but I live in one, I don't drive a fancy car but I got one, I don't have much money either but I have some, I don't even have a decent full time job but God has been providing this long.
Women and Men, (men are not excluded) please don't make the same mistake that I did. Love your baby, and protect it. Men, be a men and stand up for your baby! Talk her out of abortion and do what you have to do to change her mind. Stand by her and love her the best way that you can so that when that baby arrives you can give it what it needs to live. It is your responsibility to make sure she is happy about that little person that you helped to create. it is not fair for you to say "It is you body, do what ever you want." You are saying the worst thing that you could ever say!!!! Talk it out and do your best to change her mind. The baby is apart of you too!!! It is yours!!!! In some cases all us soon to be "murderers" need is your support to change our minds. Women do what you have to do not to get pregnant if you do not want to adopt! Love your baby and don't murder it. Please!!!!! Believe in God and believe in yourselves and you will be the best parents ever. Please learn something from my stupid mistake.
Received June 2001
I recently had an abortion on January 25, 2001. I am 22 years old, and married. I do not wish to say much, but that was the WORST decision I have ever made. I prayed and asked the Lord to forgive me. It hurts all the time to know that I murdered my first born. I was 3 months pregnant at the time. I often wonder what it was and what it could have been. I often wish I could take my own life to be with it. It hurts me so bad.
Received April 2001
I can relate to all the stories in your site! I too am a birthmom and an abortion survivor. I had an abortion after I was going through a divorce. I had started a relationship with a man (who is now my husband) and I got pregnant (I had Norplant). My ex-husband had me snowed into believing he could take my son from me if I slipped up at all so I was scared and thought abortion was the best bet. Boy was I wrong! My current husband took me…we tried to be upbeat the whole time (we drove 2hrs to get there). It was a cold and depressing environment. The nursing staff was rude and ushered me and about 9 other women in the room. We waited in the "holding tank" for about an hr and a half the other women were crying some were sick to their stomachs . No one checked on us we just sat there and watched the clock. I finally got in the room and I was crying. One nurse out of 4 held my hand and asked me if I thought this was the right choice for me. The Dr. who was a woman told me to hush my crying up it would mess up the Anesthesia. I woke up afterwards and I asked one of the women beside me how she felt and the nurse told me to be quite and to wait and see how I felt. They let me go about an hr later and gave me instructions to go home with no pain meds. I had to bring my own pads, they didn't provide this. It was horrible I cried the whole way home I ended up with an infection and had to go see my doctor afterwards. Luckily I recovered physically enough to have 2 more children. I used to be pro-choice but after my experience I would never encourage any one to think that death is a better choice for their unborn child then to give it life. Death is permanent and there is no looking back. I still cry I still wish there had been someone to talk to who didn't think abortion was the answer. My husband and I never talk about it. I guess we just can't deal with it yet. It's been 7yrs. I deal better with my adoption my better than my abortion. People still say its simple procedure. I wonder if they have had one?
Received February 2001
Hello My name is Lisa,
I am now 22 years old. When I was 13 I had an abortion because my mother thought it was the best thing for me to do. In some ways I agree. It would have changed my entire life but there was other options that were not considered and that I really did not know. ADOPTION! I realize at 13 I could not take care of a child. I knew nothing about having an abortion the only thing I knew was it was there one minute and gone the next. The abortion clinic lied to me about the entire thing! They told me the baby would NOT feel a thing (LIE) they told me that it would not hurt me (LIE) and I asked to see it afterwards and they told me it would just look like a blood clot (LIE)!!
I deeply regret what I have done and I have to live with the fact that I killed a innocent child. It is bad enough that we have murders everywhere but for a baby to die in his own mothers hands is not understandable. Everyday is a challenge for me and I have decided instead of beating myself up Everyday to try to change at least one woman's mind about abortion. If I can save At least one child from being aborted I can start my own healing process and could feel a little better about this world. What I don't understand is people kill everyday but get put in prison, but a woman goes to a abortion clinic and kills her own child and it is called "Her Right"??? we preach "Save the wildlife", why cant we save our own children from a cruel and painful death everyday? Please post this letter and if any women have any questions about abortion or you are thinking of abortion please talk to someone first! Have you ever stopped to think what you are really doing? I didn't and it costs my child's life!
Received February 2001
I am 19 years old and I had an abortion just the other day. What is so ironic is that I told myself before if I ever got pregnant I would have the baby at a convent if I had to but that was when I was younger. Well I found out I was pregnant a couple of months ago. I couldn't believe it because I was sure I couldn't conceive. My reproductive system was supposed to messed up so my boyfriend and I had unprotected sex. I was so shocked to find out the news thinking I wouldn't ever be pregnant. Well my boyfriend and I talked it over and thought it would be the best thing to do for the fact that: we weren't married...couldn't afford the child...my parents would certainly not let me live my mistake down and plus they still think I'm a virgin. I was raised Catholic, went to church every Sunday, even attended a Catholic school and here I was, pregnant. I made the appointment and waited for the day. The whole time I was pregnant I thought of trying to find some way to keep it. I cried all the time. I even wrote the baby a letter but that was my way of saying I was sorry. I know it was wrong and I feel awful.
Well the day came to have it done. I went down at seven in the morning had a urinalysis test and some lab done. It was amazing how many women were there, even a fourteen year old girl. I felt to terrible but at least I had my boyfriend there to cry upon and that is just what I did, cry. The second thing that happened is I went to have the sonogram done. I saw my baby for the first time...tiny little thing...seemed like nothing but it was something..something amazing. The lady said I was between 7 and 8 weeks just in the time frame to have the termination done. I just said yeah and thought back to the picts I saw of what my baby was to look like at that time period... Then my name was called to have it done. I went into the room, undressed from my waist down and told to lay on the table. I did and then waited for the doctor to come..while I was waiting the nurse was there to speak to me so I wouldn't be so nervous but I was...I was shaking so hard I thought I was going to fall off the table. The doctor came in...I told him I had the IV sedation so he gave it to me...I felt a little strange and then I felt the vacuum sucking away at my uterus.. I never felt anything like that...I screamed and shouted and cried. The pain was awful but awful isn't even the word for it. Finally they got me up and I had cramps that were so terrible I almost passed out. They sat me on a recliner, gave me pretzels and soda and then I was on my way. On the way out of the clinic I was crying and bent over because of my cramps so my b/f helped me into the car and we drove off. As we were driving a protester looked at me and waved, smiling, only saying good for her....and that was the thing I remember the most and it haunts me. When I got home I vomited several times and then fell to sleep. I will never have anything like that happened to me again...I made a big mistake for both parts and I learned. I pray to God to forgive me and hopefully I can put some of this behind me put I will never forget the whole thing. So here I am looking at abortion sites and other responses to hopefully make me feel better when I know it won't.
Received February 2001
I was talked into an abortion by my boyfriend. When we went to that clinic they did no counseling before the procedure. I didn't realize what abortion was until I got one. I have cried about for 2 years and I can't let go of what I did. I have went to God for forgiveness but I can't seem to forgive myself. I am with the fight against abortion. My boyfriend made it his right. I will never do something so selfish again. I regret all the time. I don't want you to hate me for what I did, I want you to forgive me.
Received January 2001
It has only been 1 week since my abortion. I was out drinking with my guy friend who had just got in town. I guess I got a little too drunk and ended up sleeping with him. I was off the pill because I had a problem with migraines so my doctor took me off of it to see if that was the cause. We had unprotected sex that night, and thought nothing of it the next morning. A few weeks later, I was late on my period so I asked him if he remembered using a condom. He said no, so I set up an appointment with my doctor. I got a pregnancy test done by my doctor that showed positive. I told only my friend who came to the doctors with me, my best friend, my other girlfriend who had been through pregnancy and abortion before, and the father. Within 2 weeks of the pregnancy, everybody knew. The father was very supportive and said that he would support me in any decision I made. If I wanted to keep it, he wanted me to move to where he lived and he would do anything it took to support me and the baby. If I wanted to abort the pregnancy, he would be behind me 100%. After talking to countless amounts of friends who I trusted to tell me what they truthfully thought, I decided to proceed with the abortion.
I remember the day perfectly. I was raining out, and my doctor decided to do something different because I didn't want to deal with picketers. He sent me to the hospital where I would be completely anonymous. I woke up at 5:00am after a nightmare I had about the abortion. I got ready and went to the hospital for 8:00am. When I got there, the doctor was really nice and comforting. She told me that if someone was meant to have children, they will, and if they become pregnant to early and decide to get an abortion, the baby's spirit goes back into the mothers heart and waits until she is ready. That made me feel somewhat better. I was brought into a room and put onto an operation table and gave and anesthetic. The procedure took about half an hour, and they used a tube to go up through my cervix and sucked it out into a bottle, and I woke up in absolute tears, calling the fathers name out and screaming I'm sorry to my recently killed child. The father was in the recovery room, and waited with me until I regained control of what I was screaming out.
I was an emotional wreck the whole day. The father went to his sisters house while I rested. I was sleeping on and off for the next few days, and I had to wear pads for 2 days after the procedure. Its been a week now. And I am still going through absolute hell. I don't think It will ever stop. I cry at least 10 times a day. If I see a baby on the street with it's mom or dad, I cry. If I see a baby on t.v or in a book, I cry. If I hear about kids or anything to do with pregnancy or abortion, I break into tears. I've thought about suicide, and I find it hard to live with the fact that I am in fact, a baby killer. The pain I am feeling I know will only get worse. And I can only think of myself as one thing. A Murderer! So if anyone out there is reading this to help them decide if abortion is a way out for them, please think this through. It's no longer about you, it's about the life growing inside of you. So many people including myself have to deal with the pain and guilt and shame of knowing that they destroyed a life that was growing inside of them. Please, Please, don't add yourself to that list of people
Received January 2001
I would like to remain anonymous please. Thank u. I had been dating my boyfriend for almost 1 year when I found out I was pregnant. Matter of fact, we were 15 days shy of it. I had a feeling I was pregnant but kind of put it off because I had recently started taking birth control pills. I found out I was pregnant May 28, 2000. I had went to Wal-Mart and bought a pregnancy test. Anyway, my boyfriend and I had discussed what we were going to do. He already has one child and was having a hard time supporting him so his First answer was for me to have an abortion. At first I agreed with that until I had my first doctor's appointment. There was some discrepancy about how far I was due to me recently starting the pill so I had to have a vaginal ultrasound. So ! ! I saw my little baby on the monitor and I also heard the I was in love already. I had mentioned to my boyfriend several times that I didn't care about the financial support as opposed to him just being a daddy to the baby. At times he was ok with that and then others he wasn't. I had my abortion July 1, 2000. I was nine weeks pregnant. It's been almost 6mos and I can't stand to be around babies, people that are pregnant or even go in department stores if I have to go by where all the baby stuff is. I did this to please my now x-boyfriend. I am still pro-choice by any means because it's a woman's body and it's her right to choose but whatever u do - do it 4 your own reasons not because you're worried about keeping a man in your life. Anonymous